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Living Alone
How to Love Living Independently

© Beth Warren

Whether you're living alone by choice, the break up of a relationship, or maybe because of a bereavement, make it a positive experience by treating yourself with care and respect.

Staying Positive

You are not “living alone” - you are choosing to live independently. This is a positive rather than a negative.

Think of coming home as “returning to your haven” rather than going back to an empty house or apartment. Put some good music on as soon as you come through the door. Have things just the way you want them, without having to compromise.

Enjoy your own company in your own space.

Dealing with Solitude

Keep a journal. It helps to have some way of “debriefing” each night. If there’s no-one to share your day with, tell it to the journal. If you’re having a really bad day, write it down. If you’re having a good day, write that down too. Later on, when you’re having a bad day, you’ll be able to look back and see that the good days outnumber the bad ones.

Dealing with Depression

If you’re having a really bad day, go for a walk. It may be really hard to get out the door and you may still take your problems with you, but you’ll feel better for it and it will help you sleep. It will also make you feel better than a large block of chocolate.

Or if you really have to have the chocolate, walk to the shop to get it, then you won’t feel so guilty which will make you even more depressed.

Buy some flowers just for you.

If you feel self-pity encroaching, do something nice for someone else.


Keeping Busy

Plan some regular activities, an Adult Education class, book club, sport, concerts, theatre – anything that gets you out and amongst other people. Choose something that you really want to do and see it as a chance to exercise your mind. If you happen to meet some nice people there, that’s a bonus.

The weekends might seem very long at first. Plan one or two small outings to break them up – coffee with a friend, a walk in the park, a film.

Don’t wait for invitations, plan a dinner and ask friends, plus one or two people you don’t know very well that you’d like to get to know better.

Don’t plan a dinner that will cause you more stress than enjoyment, keep it simple and enjoy the company rather than spending the whole time in the kitchen. You can spoil the whole benefit if everyone departs at the end of a busy evening leaving you with a pile of washing up.

Start some projects, write letters to people you’ve lost touch with. Go to a book launch, the opening of an exhibition. Say hello to someone you don’t know.

And when the invitations do come, accept every one. You may be tired, you may not think it’s your sort of thing, you may not be sure about the people, but you may be surprised! Make the effort. You never know what it might lead to.

Plan a holiday – shopping and theatre interstate or a week at a Club Med resort. Or overnight near the coast. Eat out alone. Take a book so you won’t feel so self-conscious. Flirt with the waiters.

Or go to a weekend school – cooking, painting, music. You’ll not only enjoy the course but you’ll meet like-minded people.

Or just go to the local market. You’ll probably see someone you know, even if it’s just to say hello. It’s important to have human contact, even if it’s just the person serving you at the supermarket. When they ask how your day has been, ask them about theirs!

Dining Well

See independent living as a chance to dine like royalty every night. Buy a new recipe book of dinners for one and try a different recipe every night. Use the good china and have a glass of wine. Savour every bite.

If you can’t face cooking every night, cook hearty casseroles on the weekend and freeze single servings. Stock up on good quality, healthy, instant dinners. Then if you come home and you’re too tired to cook, you can grab something decent in next to no time.

If you don’t eat well, you’ll feel bad, lack energy and be more susceptible to illness, which will make you feel even more depressed.

You are in control. Start a new healthy eating program. Have treats at weekends when you know you’ve earned them. Enjoy fresh food. Experiment!

The copyright of the article Living Alone in Personal Development is owned by Beth Warren. Permission to republish Living Alone in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.